My Aide Taken Away

My aide was taken away, so now i more than intensely dislike the home health care service. This is the same ...
stupidity that i suffered in Rochester. Just when I settle into some routine or expectancy it is snatched away.

So what is the universe trying to tell me? If all is change, then change my paralysis into mobility again.

And this happens AFTEr i see her and soI must make do, go hungry and without food until the new person shows
up, because of course it is not on the day-- Monday that I usually had support. Another relationship lost, severed.

6/29/08

big bees busy outside the window
where they found somerthing in the unattended wood
so did woodpeckers

a first sighting next door undoing the house
or cleansing it of other things


the old poes words bring me nothing but sorrow
my father's death on Easter undid another
holiday i cant celebrate that
he arose he is gone and i want his
mellifluous voice and i want to argue
and i want his understanding his hearts embrace

he knew me he made me and i dont
want to wander unknown

he protectedd my tender and railed against it
he understood this soul struggle
the enormity of desire and our fragility
how much we wanted knowledge
the vast sun and how weak our wax wings

he was not the father who said don't fly
high
he's the one who said plan to be over the sea and know how to swim
you know they will melt and you must survive the fall
and rise again



howannoyed i was whenhe signed Albe
though that was what i first called him
but he was Daddy Albe and then later he would
scribble Albe, yr Daddy and i would laugh
as if i could mistake the left handed lovely script
he created as anyone else, ever ,ever
always my Daddy.
--

5/19/08

now i'm free to talk about
younger than Malcolm x i never knew
and all those things that bothered me
i forget
you're not here for me to tease and torment
i regret everything and nothing
you knew you were loved
and i remembered every birthday
and i ached when i was five and undertstood
that your world had denied you
for christ and vowed that you would
be as you were first in my heart
forgive me god thank god
this man made me and you made him
and i am still weeping for my loss
though not mother to him
still i adored him and cherished
him and reviled him and long
to always hear his voice
his hey baby